I'm afraid to get a job because I don't want to be bullied again - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-10-2014, 02:56 PM Thread Starter
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I'm afraid to get a job because I don't want to be bullied again


Hey guys, I wanted your input on something...

I've been unemployed since February, and quite honestly, I haven't tried looking for a job yet.

First of all, I don't know how in the heck I'm supposed to start. No one ever told me. My parents assured me if I walked into a store and asked for a job that I would get one. I filled out 150+ applications the summer after I graduated from High School, and I never once got a call back from any of the stores or places that I applied to. I don't know if it's this hard to get a job outside the US, but I'm pretty sure the entire wold's economy is going down the drain.

I landed a job in 2012, but only because my then best friend at the time worked there and somehow got me a job. I worked there for about 8 to 9 months before I was forced into job abandonment in December 2012.
After that, I was unemployed from December until June 2012. The same person who got me my first job got my boyfriend a job, who in turn got me the job I had until February...

At the first place, it was retail and I learned that I hated people with a burning passion. I was mistreated, but looking back, it wasn't all that bad. I had a few really bad customers, one who threw motor oil at me and another who told me to quit my job if I hated it so much. However, because I had to work this stupid 'pre- Black Friday' sale, I'm too scared to go back to retail. This is the event that resulted in me avoiding people, and having panic attacks in busy stores. I was the best damn cashier in the store, I had the highest metrics, but my manager didn't like me. She bullied me whenever she got, and made sure to make me very nervous when the doors opened for the pre-BF sale...She even made me sign something stating my drawer was short and I signed it 'under protest' but I actually found out today, that I didn't have to sign it. I could've fought it. But oh well. I learned at this job that HR is not there to help you, but to protect the company.

Moving on to my previous job...My boss set me up to fail on day one, and when he interviewed me, I thought it was too good to be true! Red flag number one. He told me that he knew I wasn't going to work out, because I was a woman and all the previous women didn't last longer than 3 months. That's because he's a sexist pig and thinks that just because someone has breasts and works for him that they're his personal assistant. He tried to get me to become his personal assistant and run his errands, take all his phone calls, and everything. I would occasionally be told to pick him food up when I was coming back to work, but then he wouldn't tell me what he wanted and would complain if I got him something he didn't like...So I would get him what I knew he didn't like unless he told me and I'd say "Oh sorry, you did say to get you what I usually get, and this is my favorite burger, soooo..." But he would sit there and tell me that I could talk to him about anything. I knew that was a lie when I went to him about my coworker who was bullying me. I told him I didn't like it and it was affecting not only my job performance, but I was beginning to fall into a depression. So he started bullying me, and then to make matters worse, my boyfriend was getting our finances looked at by him--So he knew we both needed to be working, and started treating us very poorly. It sucked because there were only 15 people working there..so there was no HR department, just my boss.
Not to mention I got fired for hating my job! He backed me into a corner one day and started talking to me about it, asking all these questions that basically amounted to "If you're not willing to do every aspect of your job with a smile on your face, how's about you make today your last one?" The ******* waited until the last day of the pay cycle to do this.
Now I'm afraid to get a job because the only two jobs I've had were pretty bad...and I've been doing research on protecting myself from bullying in the workplace, but all it's doing is making me more scared. Because if you value your job, you can't complain about -anything-, and the only way to get a job is if you're willing to work for free.

Do other people feel like this? Short of joining a union I don't think I'll ever find a job where I'm both paid enough and treated correctly.
Is there anything we can do? In the US there's this thing called 'OSHA' which kind of helps, if you're not afraid of retaliation.

Can anyone give me advice on how they dealt with bully bosses when they -had- to work? My boyfriend is still working there and he's...not doing very well, and me sitting on my *** all day doesn't help him. I want to get a job so he can quit and take some much needed time to just relax, but, I don't want to be bullied for the rest of my life, either.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 09:33 AM
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I don't really understand your previous job. What kind of work was that, and were you not an assistant? If you weren't, why did you run his errands? You should have signed a contract with your responsibilities and tasks. If it's clear that it's not your job to buy him lunch or answer his calls, tell him. If it's not clear, I don't see why answering the phone is so degrading. Many people answer the phone for other people, or on behalf of a company or a department. Strive to be the better person; be polite and factual. It sounds like you get into fights very easy, as your language is very loaded. From how I understand this it seems like you were partially responsible, and it also seems like you refuse to accept it. I think that kind of denial is a dangerous path. I don't mean to say your boss wasn't a jerk, because he probably was, but you didn't seem like an exemplary employee either. Maybe he set you up from day one, but it also seems like you hated him and the job from day one too, and that you were willing to let it shine through you constantly.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 10:23 AM Thread Starter
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No one? really? Ugh
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 11:16 AM
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Afraid I can't share any direct experience with you. I had a line manager who bordered on bullying, but he had no power as he was just one rung up the ladder from me. I never gave him any reason to complain higher up the food chain so for the most part we kept out of each others way. He did try to press his "authority" a couple of times, and while I was slightly uncomfortable with it, I do a great job of looking very disinterested/bemused/menacing myself, so he took that to mean "Hey, I don't give a shít about this lousy job but I won't give you too much hassle or cause your bosses to hassle you as long as you stay out of my face as much as possible". And thats exactly what he did.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 11:25 AM
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I'd speculate your DB of a prior boss is the extreme exception.

Do you really want that tool to "win" by letting it affect your future?
Go get a job to demonstrate that you won't be bullied, otherwise he is still bullying you.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 12:16 PM Thread Starter
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Trigger warning?
Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleInSTL View Post
I'd speculate your DB of a prior boss is the extreme exception.

Do you really want that tool to "win" by letting it affect your future?
Go get a job to demonstrate that you won't be bullied, otherwise he is still bullying you.
What does the part I put in bold mean? I've never heard that before. I'm a really stupid person, in case you haven't already noticed.

No, I don't want him to win...But, if I could...I don't know, prevent myself from having a future, I'd do it in a heart beat, even if that meant he won.

I know we're not allowed to talk about the 's' word on this forum, but I'd quite honestly rather commit suicide than work for bully as*holes for the rest of my life. They lied to me in school when I asked "Am I going to have to deal with bullies the rest of my life?"
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Batty View Post
Trigger warning?


What does the part I put in bold mean? I've never heard that before. I'm a really stupid person, in case you haven't already noticed.

No, I don't want him to win...But, if I could...I don't know, prevent myself from having a future, I'd do it in a heart beat, even if that meant he won.

I know we're not allowed to talk about the 's' word on this forum, but I'd quite honestly rather commit suicide than work for bully as*holes for the rest of my life. They lied to me in school when I asked "Am I going to have to deal with bullies the rest of my life?"
DB = douchebag.

You aren't stupid if I was the one who was unclear.

Stand tall...value yourself even if it takes convincing yourself to start. Go get that next job, because life is tough, but it only gets easier when you decide to live it on your terms instead of a-holes like your former boss.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleInSTL View Post
DB = douchebag.

You aren't stupid if I was the one who was unclear.

Stand tall...value yourself even if it takes convincing yourself to start. Go get that next job, because life is tough, but it only gets easier when you decide to live it on your terms instead of a-holes like your former boss.
OH! Now your reply makes sense!

I just don't know where to start on getting a job. I mean, I'm definitely not going to be using my previous job as a reference. I'm thinking of leaving it off of my resume completely...I just want a job where I'm either paid enough or treated at least halfway decent....
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 01:28 PM
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I've left a 6 week job off my resume without issue, though a long gap is tough to explain.

Pay and treatment are fair goals. Payment you'll know, the treatment is difficult to assess. You shoukd ask them to describe their work culture. If you are being interviewed by the hiring manager, you should ask them about their management style and what they expect from their employees. You could pose a scenario and ask them how they'd handle it. Stuff like that.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 03:02 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleInSTL View Post
I've left a 6 week job off my resume without issue, though a long gap is tough to explain.

Pay and treatment are fair goals. Payment you'll know, the treatment is difficult to assess. You shoukd ask them to describe their work culture. If you are being interviewed by the hiring manager, you should ask them about their management style and what they expect from their employees. You could pose a scenario and ask them how they'd handle it. Stuff like that.
Is a hiring manager an actual manager who works at that place of business?

I've never gotten an interview myself, but I never do well in them. I freeze up and stop thinking. I don't like it when I'm being assessed. It's unnatural...
But this is very good advice, and if I ever get the chance to use it, I'll try. Thank you!
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 03:08 PM
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The hiring manager is usually the person working for the company who will be directly supervising the person they are interviewing for the job.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-11-2014, 03:58 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by KyleInSTL View Post
The hiring manager is usually the person working for the company who will be directly supervising the person they are interviewing for the job.
Ohh, okay. Because when I got interviewed for the retail job, the HR lady interviewed me...and at the last place I was working, the owner/boss is the one who interviewed me. I keep hearing about them but I think only large businesses/offices have them!

I'd kill to get an interview from a hiring manager. Man, this is so hard...
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