"I'm just teasing you" - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-22-2014, 10:46 PM Thread Starter
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"I'm just teasing you"


It seems to be mostly old men who do this...but does anyone else encounter customers like this? Crack stupid/rude jokes and then get upset when I don't have the exact reaction they want?

Because this happened...
Me: hi, how can I help you?
Customer: get moving a little faster, maybe?
Me: *small laugh* sure thing. *apathy*
Customer: oh, don't get upset!
Me: I'm...not upset...? haha anything else I can help you with?
Customer: I'm just teasing you, sweetheart, don't get upset.



What.

There was literally no indication of me being upset. I swear, with some of these older guys, if you're not personally delighted with their bad jokes and don't respond with musical laughter and a pat on the back, they get on your case with condescension and creepy pet names. But like...I'm used to it because I've worked retail for the past 2 years. Wasn't upset. If anything, I'm upset at the implication.

I don't understand old man humor. I really don't. It seems to mostly be derogatory comments followed by emotional manipulation. Just wondering if this happens to anyone else.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:24 PM
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if its mostly older guys they probably just want to be flirted and think their hot stuff so hes just trying to press your buttons.

Whatever it takes.. this is what I want. I will bring it to life. When you have commited to do whatever it takes then you by definition are unstoppable
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:27 PM
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It's disgusting how grown men would call you sweetheart. That makes me want to vomit. I don't understand why they think it's okay to talk that way towards young girls who are not even their daughters. Term of endearment my ***. Those men are gross.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:30 PM
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I've had people do that to me back when I was a cashier. (minus the "sweetheart") In my mind I'm like "dude.. c'mon, this job ****ing blows enough as it is. Between idiots like you and the legions of ****faces that make the same 'I just made it' joke when I check 50 and 100 dollar bills, you're all going to drive me to set this place on fire."

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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Swagonite View Post
if its mostly older guys they probably just want to be flirted and think their hot stuff so hes just trying to press your buttons.
I think that says a lot about what their idea of flirting is...making girls confused and upset and laughing at their "cute" reactions. Not funny! Not cute! Very irritating. Not appropriate to do when the girls can't decline their advances (for the more forward ones) because they're at work and the customer is always f'ing right.

Like...if I were trying to flirt with a guy, that not the way I would try to convey my interest.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:34 PM
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I think thats one of the reasons they feel allowed to say whatever they want to young girls in retail because the customer is always right. If you make a big scene they will just change the story and report to the manager if you upset them. The manager will get mad at you in the end unless you and the manager are good friends or something. #thestruggleisreal

Whatever it takes.. this is what I want. I will bring it to life. When you have commited to do whatever it takes then you by definition are unstoppable
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:44 PM
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That would make me so angry. Not only would I get worried because I don't really know what to do/how to react, I'd be bloody humiliated that they'd say such things to "tease me".

In these kinds of situations, I always think to myself "if you embarrass me like that again, I will ****ing stab you."
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 10:58 PM
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I worked retail for years, so I totally get this. Well, not the flirting or cheesy terms of endearment. But I think it has nothing to do with flirting, really (tho I could be wrong). In my experience they have you right where they want you, esp if you're working customer service. You literally can't say anything or even defend yourself really without repercussions. It's almost like a control thing.

Maybe it's because my anxiety is so much worse now, but I will never work retail again. I will be homeless, and starve to death first. Seriously.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 11:15 PM
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I think people like that are trying to get power over you, however minor it is... If they expect you to get upset even when you don't show any sign then they clearly know they are saying something that could make some people uncomfortable. A lot of people try to assert dominance through humour. I would guess that some of those guys are getting some sexual kick out of asserting dominance over a young woman.
But at the same time there are studies about people who use humour that deprecates others and they don't tend to understand how unpleasant or unappreciated it is. So maybe they just think other people can be upset over a joke while also finding it funny.

I don't get old guys either. I am never sure which ones are trying to be sexual and which ones are trying to be friendly. It is sad because I am sure there are friendly ones but I'm sure there are a lot who do disturbing things while using the guise of an unknowing friendly old man.
It would be nice to be able to brighten a possibly lonely old man's day by being super friendly and smiley without having to worry about his intentions.

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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-23-2014, 11:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slytherclaw View Post
It seems to be mostly old men who do this...but does anyone else encounter customers like this? Crack stupid/rude jokes and then get upset when I don't have the exact reaction they want?

Because this happened...
Me: hi, how can I help you?
Customer: get moving a little faster, maybe?
Me: *small laugh* sure thing. *apathy*
Customer: oh, don't get upset!
Me: I'm...not upset...? haha anything else I can help you with?
Customer: I'm just teasing you, sweetheart, don't get upset.



What.

There was literally no indication of me being upset. I swear, with some of these older guys, if you're not personally delighted with their bad jokes and don't respond with musical laughter and a pat on the back, they get on your case with condescension and creepy pet names. But like...I'm used to it because I've worked retail for the past 2 years. Wasn't upset. If anything, I'm upset at the implication.

I don't understand old man humor. I really don't. It seems to mostly be derogatory comments followed by emotional manipulation. Just wondering if this happens to anyone else.
Yuck. I wonder if guys know how horribly unappealing they are when they're condescending.
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 04:13 PM
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They're probably hitting on you and are dismayed that they're not getting the response that they want.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-25-2014, 09:43 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by TenYears View Post
I worked retail for years, so I totally get this. Well, not the flirting or cheesy terms of endearment. But I think it has nothing to do with flirting, really (tho I could be wrong). In my experience they have you right where they want you, esp if you're working customer service. You literally can't say anything or even defend yourself really without repercussions. It's almost like a control thing.

Maybe it's because my anxiety is so much worse now, but I will never work retail again. I will be homeless, and starve to death first. Seriously.
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Originally Posted by Fruitcake View Post
I think people like that are trying to get power over you, however minor it is... If they expect you to get upset even when you don't show any sign then they clearly know they are saying something that could make some people uncomfortable. A lot of people try to assert dominance through humour. I would guess that some of those guys are getting some sexual kick out of asserting dominance over a young woman.
But at the same time there are studies about people who use humour that deprecates others and they don't tend to understand how unpleasant or unappreciated it is. So maybe they just think other people can be upset over a joke while also finding it funny.

I don't get old guys either. I am never sure which ones are trying to be sexual and which ones are trying to be friendly. It is sad because I am sure there are friendly ones but I'm sure there are a lot who do disturbing things while using the guise of an unknowing friendly old man.
It would be nice to be able to brighten a possibly lonely old man's day by being super friendly and smiley without having to worry about his intentions.
It' s absolutely a power thing. Just today, I wasn't responding the way this middle-aged alcoholic guy wanted me to...he was being really rude (but "joking"), like when I asked to see his ID he just waved it in front of my face for half a second and read his birthday to me really fast. Kept cracking jokes about how my name is "new associate" because my name tag hasn't arrived yet...and I just smiled and cashed him out. Haha, but it says something, because he stopped and looked really uncomfortable after he asked me, "You're not very nervous, are you?" Like he knew I wasn't taking his BS seriously. I just said no, I'm not nervous, I've done this job before. And he stopped right away. They get off on making young girls nervous. It's kinda gross.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-29-2014, 04:55 AM
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Originally Posted by blueidealist26 View Post
They're probably hitting on you and are dismayed that they're not getting the response that they want.
I suspect that as well, but for guys in general (mostly younger ones) but exactly what IS the response they want to a comment like that?!
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-29-2014, 09:19 AM
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They are just joking with you?

Lol
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-29-2014, 12:55 PM
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I suspect that as well, but for guys in general (mostly younger ones) but exactly what IS the response they want to a comment like that?!
I think they want the girl to show she's interested by "making eyes" at him (LOL, such an old term but I couldn't think of anything else) or even touching him on the arm or whatever, but I wouldn't do that at work even if I was interested in the guy since that seems so unprofessional.
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-29-2014, 01:49 PM
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To be honest, people in retail do tend to slow down without knowing about it.

He probably just spoke out and pull back when he saw you were offended.
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-30-2014, 12:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Swagonite View Post
I think thats one of the reasons they feel allowed to say whatever they want to young girls in retail because the customer is always right. If you make a big scene they will just change the story and report to the manager if you upset them. The manager will get mad at you in the end unless you and the manager are good friends or something. #thestruggleisreal
exactly! no matter how dumb they're being.. "the customer is always right".

my ***....
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-07-2014, 08:58 PM Thread Starter
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To be honest, people in retail do tend to slow down without knowing about it.

He probably just spoke out and pull back when he saw you were offended.
I wasn't offended at all. Like I said, I'm used to it. That's why I was offended much later afterwards - but only at the implication.

And it would have been literally impossible to slow down or speed up, considering he had just walked up to the counter and hadn't even told me what he needed yet.

So no, sorry, your suggestion doesn't make any sense.

But either way, that's not the point. It's the entire way he handled the conversation.

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Originally Posted by fullmetaljacket View Post
They are just joking with you?

Lol
But their jokes aren't funny.

And when I'm "just joking" with somebody, I don't lash out if they don't laugh...

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”
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