Family have no idea about social anxiey.
I have depression and social anxiety.
I was physically and verbally bullied from 2nd grade to 6th grade so I developed social anxiety. My abusive family gives me extreme anxiety and makes me depressed. I cried to my mom about it today and she told me such things doesn't exist. I tried to explain her that social anxiety is a disease but she won't listen. She got mad and told me I am just selfish and lazy. She said all I do is make excuses and it is my choice for not going out my room etc. It's so hard. I wish I could just take the knife and kill myself but I'm too afraid to do so. My mom told me so many horrible words like I am such a bad and selfish person. She said if she could choose a daughter...she won't choose someone like me. And no one will ever like someone like me. I felt like dying inside hearing those words from my mom. They have no idea how hard it is having social anxiety and having no one to love and help you. I don't feel normal. I feel like crying when I'm having panic attacks because it feels so horrible. People(family and neighbors) just think I'm mentally insane and lazy. They have no idea about social anxiety. They look like me with so much judgement in their eyes because they know I am the girl who don't go out my room(I only got to go out when my uncle used to visit me and I ride in his car) and my family talks bad about me too. I feel so trapped in my room. I want to move out but I have no money and I am just too afraid. I just have to bear living with my mom who always abuses me and who told me pigs are better than me because at least pigs can be slaughtered while* I'm nothing but useless, worthless and lazy. When she told me that...I've never been so mad and hurt in my life. That was also when I talked back to my mom. I told her if I could choose a mother...I won't choose her(I was just 16 that time, I'm 20 now) I regret saying that to her but from that time....I became nothing but a bad person in her eyes and to everybody. She talked bad about me to everyone. She also calls me abnormal, mongoloid, useless, worthless, lazy and shameless. She always insults me loudly and embarrassed me to my family and neighbors who could hear her.
I feel worthless and useless because my mom always tells me that I am and because I am trapped in my room. I feel like I'm in hell. I wanna travel. I wanna go out but I can't do anything. They think I love being in my room and doing nothing. They have no idea how I many times I cried myself to sleep. They have no idea how horrible it is to just spend your life in your room!!! They have no idea how terrible it feels not being able to do normal things like cooking, biking, swimming etc. They have no idea how hard it is to be forced to starve yourself in your room than go out and see your judgemental family. I feel dead inside too for everything I've had experienced. Every night I pray to God not to wake me up the next morning because every morning I wake up....I feel nothing but emptiness. I don't know how it feels like living anymore. I no longer live. I only exist. I feel so hopeless. I wish there would be atleast one person who could help me but I have no one....people also think of me badly and they think I'm a horrible person but they have no idea how I feel and who I really am. They have no idea at all. I am really tired. I wonder if I could be happy again? I wonder if I could be normal again? I wonder if someday I could leave this hell. If I ever get to leave this place, I'll never come back again. I never wanna see them again. They left me with permanent scars. They destroyed my soul, my true self(identity) and my life. I am not sure about my life anymore.....