Join Date: Jun 2017
Language: Non-Verbal communication
When I was 21...
Change will happen regardless either by a traumatic experience or through painful amounts of stagnation (eventually leading to a traumatic event/revelation)...
I would say try to do everything you do, slowly and surely and be intensely mindful of any interactions you have with other people, at least until you reach a good level of awareness (+ self-awareness). It's extremely painful but you might have to start looking in the mirror one day and have an honest self-reflection.
Once all the soul-crushing stuff is out of the way, you can begin to pick up the pieces and figure out how to be less ****... unless of course you actually have some good things going for you, then on that point you'll realize what you should focus on improving.
^At least that's just my experiences... I think I was stunted in all categories of development and also resource/environment-wise too, then when living arrangements improved there was a sudden spurt of growth. I wouldn't say I'm "mature" per se, but much more self-aware AND less naive about human nature.
I held off the honest self-reflection for too long though, I did have (still do) extremely low self-esteem and no confidence but for some reason my 20/21yo self had a sense of denial.. like things could still be okay - What I mean is... I had to go through several massive soul-crushing breakdowns before I could reach the level of self-awareness I'm at now... (Heck I think I've still got 2-3 more to go but I don't know when they'll hit..)
It's really painful truly examining through all the cards you've been dealt, your relative worth as a human being (trying to be objective which can be extremely painful)... kind of like, look in the mirror and beat yourself up, but in a truthful way.
It sounds counter-intuitive but it gave me a sense of clarity and answers to why certain things happen and what are my options and what I should prepare for/be worried about.
Also, I would a adopt a cynical nature earlier on depending on your lifestyle... And I mean really cynical, be polite and kind to people but don't let them in (unless they let you in). I don't know much about your personal life or passions or skills though so things might be brighter than I'm assuming. Basically when I first entered 20s I was still very trusting, like a child, trusting of others with my whole heart always thinking people are nice... actually in retrospect my intuition always went off constantly but my denial kept me a baby because I just didn't think people were that mean or fake.
So just to be safe, I think it's better to keep a reserved distance and not let anyone in, monitor all social interactions and have a cynical mindset, don't give away any of yourself and keep quiet, try to be on guard at all times. You could even create a facade sort of "guard" like personality to prevent people from being nosy and to basically **** off and stop putting you on the spot and asking more invasive questions.
“I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.”