Whats wrong with me?
I need help and im not sure what to do, all my life ive been quiet and kind of shy. I always had a group of friends from first grade to middle school, but in highschool that group of friends shrunk into about 3 close friends but i still had a good amount of people that i knew around campus from middle school. At age 21 i got my first job bought a car and attended a community college for a year then gave up. Everything was going ok until i smoked weed with my girlfriend at the time i became extremely paranoid and agitated, i worked for about 3 months after continued to smoke then my coworkers wanted to have a smoking session after work i got really high and paranoid while there and they made me pretty uncomfortable. they indirectly called me slow and that made me pretty depressed, at the time i actually didnt really know what that meant to be honest does it mean dumb or retarded, i know that im not really smart but i got so paranoid from the weed i actually thought i was mentally disabled. i end up quiting that job being depressed and jobless for a year.
Then i got a job at walgreens and everyone there hated me because now i kept a attitude because using it as a defense mechanism but worked there for two years until they fired me. I picked up poker and have been trying to succeed at that for about 3 years now im getting really close but now im low on money and ive become extremely lazy and scared of losing, ill try and get up early and play but ill just end up watching twitch or youtube all day, im thinking if i try getting on medication for my anxiety and depression itll help me overcome my fear of losing while playing poker because im so close to my goal by but my mind and body is fighting me from accomplishing it. Sorry for the long paragraphs but i really need some advise right now.