Why do you continue to live? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 07:48 PM
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The Master stays behind; that is why she is ahead. She is detached from all things; that is why she is one with them. Because she has let go of herself, she is perfectly fulfilled.

Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear.

What does it mean that success is as dangerous as failure? Whether you go up the ladder or down it, your position is shaky.

When you stand with your two feet on the ground, you will always keep your balance.

What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear? Hope and fear are both phantoms that arise from thinking of the self. When we don't see the self as self, what do we have to fear?

See the world as your self. Have faith in the way things are. Love the world as your self; then you can care for all things.

Empty your mind of all thoughts.
Let your heart be at peace. Watch the turmoil of beings, but contemplate their return.

Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity.

If you don't realize the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kindhearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready. The great Tao flows everywhere.
that's a bit bla. why doesn't really matter or explain anything anyway. some people are gone, some are not. this is just how it is. attribute it to your favourite bs.


why do i not consciously try to die? it generally involves pain and then supposedly nothing, which sounds bad and then boring. its not really an attractive narrative. everyone dies eventually so why bother to seek it out.

life can be **** sometimes but it's not been trapped in a burning building, time to jump out the window level ****. that's some extreme horror stuff. all I have is banal first world ****. it's hard to judge myself too harshly given the state of the world and the people blindly working to make it worse. at least I can say I'm not totally blinded and I've done some good.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #22 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 08:02 PM
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Partly fear of screwing it up. Partly not wanting to inflict harm on people I care about. But mostly because I can't stand the idea of being bested by an opponent (God, the universe) or defeated by an intellectual challenge. The idea that there are problems I can't solve is repugnant to me. Killing myself would be admitting defeat. I'd rather keep living in pain.

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post #23 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 08:21 PM
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I would like to be reasonably happy one day, and to have any chance of that at all I can't die, I have to live. I also believe that life has intrinsic value, even despite suffering. Admittedly, I don't have much hope that things will get better for me though. I also don't want to cause any pain to my family or the only friends I have.

Life's Wack
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post #24 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 08:45 PM
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Because people rely on me.

Doesn't mean I don't think of giving up sometimes.

When one loses the will to continue on, because they can't see a way out of situations.

That is when they need to reach out for help.

No one person knows everything and gets anywhere in life on their own, nor should they be expected to.

A solution to a problem is usually there when one reaches out to the right people (wrong people set you on the wrong path in life).

Then a path in life is found.

More one does this the less depressed they become as are moving forward in life.

It is not what life throws at you, it is how you handle those issues.

Zera.
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post #25 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 08:47 PM
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Because I'm too scared to end it.
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post #26 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 09:04 PM
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I've already got health problems and I figure fate will eventually do the job for me. Other than that, I was going to top myself a couple of years ago for the aforementioned reason and ended up just driving back home because I promised to myself I'd endure whatever was to come for my family.

It's pretty **** though. Like, everyone who feels this way is selfish because they don't want to go through pain any more and no one else is selfish for being totally okay with that person going through a lonely life of pain just so they can feel more content with their own existence. **** them honestly. Society is warped.

No one will talk to me, they tend to go. Their faces say there's something I should know
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post #27 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 09:16 PM
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I've already got health problems and I figure fate will eventually do the job for me. Other than that, I was going to top myself a couple of years ago for the aforementioned reason and ended up just driving back home because I promised to myself I'd endure whatever was to come for my family.

It's pretty **** though. Like, everyone who feels this way is selfish because they don't want to go through pain any more and no one else is selfish for being totally okay with that person going through a lonely life of pain just so they can feel more content with their own existence. **** them honestly. Society is warped.
What health problems do you have? I can probably help. I'm a "health" type. You can PM me about it if you'd like it to be personal.
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post #28 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 09:31 PM
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me when I wake up:


I don't care if it's dangerous or not...I'm going to town either way.
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post #29 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 10:50 PM
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Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
They say suicide is the coward's way out. They must not have ever really thought about it.
...Most people that say that were never in the position themselves, it's just some random platitude they've been conditioned to spout off probably to try to increase their social status among peers, like most things in life, like they're somehow superior, it's complete nonsense, they're vultures trying to feed their social status on the corpse of another human that is all, suicidal people are among some of the best people you could have the privilege of knowing for the most part, my father was one of them.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #30 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 04:10 AM
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The desire to do so tends to be fleeting. Most of the time now I don't feel like killing myself, and some times I can be happy, so I try to remember those times when I feel like killing myself and remind myself it will pass.

That and it isn't actually easy to do. And people would be all "waaa Bob killed himself, he was so ill and ****, its why he did it", when in fact that wouldn't be the reason at all.

Dimethylamidophenyldimethylpyrazolone
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post #31 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 06:43 AM
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Its been a really long time since I thought about killing myself. I'm not happy but I am content (most of the time). I find keeping busy helps me not to obsess about stuff. Hence the reason I am on here after signing up 3 years ago and disappearing after a few months. I have no job so I am bored. I have to say, although a lot less busy with posts etc.... the place is a lot less argumentative which is better for my mental health. I haven't felt frustrated on here by people just been antagonistic for the sake of it, which is much better than before.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't as conscious as I am. It would be so much easier."
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post #32 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:30 PM
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i've got nothing left to live for but i've got no reason to die

so i just keep going


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post #33 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 01:35 PM
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I continue to live, because the alternative isn't that appealing.
And even though this is a very difficult period of my life, there are still things that make me smile, and appreciate life itself.

2b
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post #34 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 02:00 PM
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I suppose the possibility of things improving keeps me going. For some reason I can manage to maintain a positive outlook. Even though things don't improve all that much or at least to a noticeable point. I guess I also hold out a ridiculous hope that I might become normal somewhere along the line, however, I recognize this as almost an impossibility. Normal is a setting on the dryer as my mother always tells me. Anyway, topping myself has never really appealed to me. Though I kind of thought health would do it for me by now. However, I seem to be quite healthy and all my issues over the years were fleeting and mainly caused by stress and anxiety.
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post #35 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-13-2019, 02:02 PM
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Originally Posted by conantheworthless View Post
Because I can't commit suicide while my parents are alive. As long as they are here I want to keep up the illusion that I am fine. I can't ruin their life because I don't feel well in my head.

But pretty often I wish some life threatening disease to overcome me but death itself doesn't scare me one bit. It sounds like a great solution to me.
Exactly this for me, too.

I'm working towards something that'll energize me again, but for now, this is well put.

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“What if this is as good as it gets?” - Melvin Udall
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post #36 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 01:00 AM
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I don't have a gun.
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post #37 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 01:33 AM
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A former work colleague of my sister who was a male 25 just bit the big kazumba by his own hand, relationship trouble, anxiety, depression, alcoholism, drugs being the potion, most probably a light seasoning of existential dread, its incredibly common, but to have such conviction (somewhat admirable) at a young age that it's never gonna get better, think of his parents the sacrifices they made to give him life (albeit selfish reasons by design) pregnant for 9 months, the joy at him being born, first day of school, first christmas, working a dead end job they hate to give their little smily bundle of joy nice things, so he can throw it in their face & swing at the end of a rope at 25, ahh the circle of life.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #38 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I don't really want much now, and anything I've wanted is completely out of reach. I've always had issues with wanting stuff intensely enough as well, not much motivation.

So this includes suicide ironically, not driven enough to do anything about that. I would like the pain to end though.
I can relate very much to this, although I do occasionally push myself to try. Sadly, I've learned from experience that putting in the effort doesn't often work out for me in the long run. I suppose I'll just keep trying... going around and around... circling that drain...

If life were easy, it wouldn't be difficult.
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post #39 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-15-2019, 09:58 PM
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Honestly there's a lot of fun stuff to do (such as the faps and the drugs) , also I need/want to take care of my family.
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post #40 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 04:54 AM
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I’m very much aware of my isolation, regression and lack of personal growth. I don’t have a family, girlfriend, kids, money or even a job right now since I got fired back in April. But dying has never been a desire. The world is a ****hole and living can be torture. There is no hope for anything getting better in our culture and society but regardless of all the bad, which is 90% of everything.. there is a lot to live for. We just want things to get better but as long as your not in pain, being alive is much better than being dead.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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