Don't know, I definitely feel like I shouldn't be alive. Feels like even my birth itself was not something that should have happened. I've never fit in anywhere, people dislike me on sight. They normally don't talk to me and when they do, it's just mockery/insults (men especially hate me, at least women have shown pity on a few occasions). Never seen anyone IRL who was even remotely similar to me, they all had their place and groups that accepted them. I was the only true outcast in my schools.
If it wasn't for my husband I might've been 6ft under right now. I was very much suicidal before I met him, the only thing keeping me alive being a tiny glimmer of hope(+fear of what comes after death) that was fading more and more with each passing day