Why do you continue to live? - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 05:01 AM
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I don't have a gun.
Do you swear?
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post #42 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 06:34 AM Thread Starter
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I can relate very much to this, although I do occasionally push myself to try. Sadly, I've learned from experience that putting in the effort doesn't often work out for me in the long run. I suppose I'll just keep trying... going around and around... circling that drain...
Heh my brother used that metaphor recently, I hadn't heard it before.

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post #43 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 11:03 AM
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Even though I deal with issues, I still do think my life is meaningful and I'm optimistic on things.

When I'm down in the dumps, I still continue to try and live my life. I never give up, I just keep fighting and keep trying to improve myself for the better.

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ~Tori Amos
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post #44 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 11:39 AM
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- I don't want to cause grief to my parents (they've been disappointed in me enough)
- I don't have a gun, and none of the other suicide methods seem as foolproof and quick
- I believe that after death there's an infinity of nothingness, which is scary. So I might as well live out my natural life, however it is
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post #45 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 05:06 PM
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Heh my brother used that metaphor recently, I hadn't heard it before.
It's an old metaphor for me, but an appropriate one.

If life were easy, it wouldn't be difficult.
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post #46 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 05:20 PM
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There's still stuff I want to see and do. Not a profound reason, but can't see the end of Better Call Saul, 13 Reasons Why, or Orange is the New Black if I'm dead. I've also never been to most of the world. Also feels good to daydream sometimes, during the periods there's something worth dreaming about.
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post #47 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 05:24 PM
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I don't know what else to do.

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post #48 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 05:40 PM
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because being non-existent/dead is the norm, being alive is the exception. time we spend alive is an adventure. i'm a little bit having fun observing things around me.

also, we are all going to die anyway. everyone. lol



btw many psychologists say that people who end their life due to depression, during their lifetime they never really discuss/talk about having thoughts about ending their life.
i mean they definitely had those thoughts, but they were not expressive about it.
this is why it's always shocking news when you hear about a celebrity or someone who didn't even seem depressed killed himself, etc
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post #49 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 06:34 PM
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Don't know, I definitely feel like I shouldn't be alive. Feels like even my birth itself was not something that should have happened. I've never fit in anywhere, people dislike me on sight. They normally don't talk to me and when they do, it's just mockery/insults (men especially hate me, at least women have shown pity on a few occasions). Never seen anyone IRL who was even remotely similar to me, they all had their place and groups that accepted them. I was the only true outcast in my schools.

If it wasn't for my husband I might've been 6ft under right now. I was very much suicidal before I met him, the only thing keeping me alive being a tiny glimmer of hope(+fear of what comes after death) that was fading more and more with each passing day
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post #50 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 10:04 PM
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I mean I could end it if I wanted to. I live in the US, so I could buy a gun. Eventually cancer or a heart attack will get me. If I get cancer I might accept surgery to remove it but I will refuse chemotherapy. I've seen what chemotherapy does to people and yeah, thanks but no thanks. Lose 10 IQ points, get all sorts of chronic/permanent side effects, and basically become a shell of your former self. I'd rather be dead. If I get some horrible diagnosis such as alzheimer's or whatever I will end it. No point in being alive for that one.

I'm hoping for a heart attack. My mom's parents both died before 60 from a heart attack or something related. But one was a full-blown alcoholic and the other was on some anxiety med that supposedly can cause heart attacks (all 3rd hand information from my dad). My dad's parents both died in their late 70s and they were chain-smokers for over 50 years. So yeah, hard to predict when I will bite the big one. I don't smoke, don't take anxiety meds, am only a mild off and on alchy.
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post #51 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 10:12 PM
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I mean I could end it if I wanted to. I live in the US, so I could buy a gun. Eventually cancer or a heart attack will get me. If I get cancer I might accept surgery to remove it but I will refuse chemotherapy. I've seen what chemotherapy does to people and yeah, thanks but no thanks. Lose 10 IQ points, get all sorts of chronic/permanent side effects, and basically become a shell of your former self. I'd rather be dead. If I get some horrible diagnosis such as alzheimer's or whatever I will end it. No point in being alive for that one.
What about radiotherapy? I actually didn't realize radiotherapy could be so horrendous but I guess it makes sense when you think about it.

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post #52 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 10:14 PM
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What a charming thread - why doesn't the ignore feature work properly on this ****ing forum.
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post #53 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 10:31 PM
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What a charming thread - why doesn't the ignore feature work properly on this ****ing forum.
I could say a lot about this but I won't. I will simply say that (to my knowledge) there is a tool that allows you to ignore threads. I can't say how well it works, however because when I want to ignore threads I just ignore them. But I think I might have ignored a few in the past and it seemed to make them disappear (IIRC). Perhaps I will try it on a thread I don't care about and come back and let you know how it went.

UPDATE - So yeah. I "ignored" a thread and it seemed to work just fine. At least it seems to work better than trying to ignore specific posters does.


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post #54 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 10:48 PM
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I could say a lot about this but I won't. I will simply say that (to my knowledge) there is a tool that allows you to ignore threads. I can't say how well it works, however because when I want to ignore threads I just ignore them. But I think I might have ignored a few in the past and it seemed to make them disappear (IIRC). Perhaps I will try it on a thread I don't care about and come back and let you know how it went.

UPDATE - So yeah. I "ignored" a thread and it seemed to work just fine. At least it seems to work better than trying to ignore specific posters does.

its time to clear your notifications


and yeah some people (me) enjoy this kind of (dark) discussion. and frustration forum seems like the appropriate place.

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post #55 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 10:53 PM
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its time to clear your notifications
I don't mess with them until I have to. It doesn't hinder the functioning of the notification system until it maxes out so why bother.

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post #56 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-16-2019, 10:57 PM
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I don't mess with them until I have to. It doesn't hinder the functioning of the notification system until it maxes out so why bother.
but its disorderly! bad feng shui! bad karma! OCD activated.

i 10% continue living to clear my notifications. if i'm gone, no one will do it. so definitely don't quote me or mention me or message me once i'm dead please.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
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post #57 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-17-2019, 07:38 AM Thread Starter
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What a charming thread - why doesn't the ignore feature work properly on this ****ing forum.
Love you too lol.

Actually I wanted to see some of the things that keep people going.

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post #58 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-17-2019, 08:20 AM
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I'm stubborn and delude myself into thinking I can change my situation and that I have more control over my life than I do. If I ever lose that, I wouldn't be here in a heartbeat.
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post #59 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-17-2019, 06:59 PM
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My little brother wanting to see me become an "aunt". He's 17 and frequently talks about wanting kids someday.

I've been highly apathetic about life during this past year though due to personal mistakes/situations that will impact me throughout the next decade. Thankfully, I'm numb at this point rather than being frustrated, anxious, or 'openly depressed' about it.
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post #60 of 102 (permalink) Old 07-17-2019, 07:51 PM
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My little brother wanting to see me become an "aunt". He's 17 and frequently talks about wanting kids someday.
I'm an uncle and I hate kids. I don't claim them as my whatever they are. I just kinda try to pretend they don't exist.

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