Yeah, I'm in the same place right now, probably worse because of the institutionalized, legal sexism that's directly limiting my life prospects right now, tearing away what slim chances I had of setting up something resembling a mediocre existence. Just utterly disgusted and disillusioned, including at myself for accepting all this inexcusable **** as ''normal'' until a few years ago.
The silver lining for me is that all the factionalism, the unchecked corporate greed, the callous self-interest of those able to affect change, are going to lead to an extinction event soon enough. Too bad I likely won't be around to savor it. And I doubt it's going to be thorough enough to prevent history from repeating itself.
What is it you're trying to do/need? (Wondering if it's a specific example or more generalised.)
I wonder this too. I wonder why cis women (I hope I use the right term) also bite this concept. There is some great books about how women are created via movies etc. Settled them into a little woman box and said how to be a woman and what kind of women are acceptable in our society.
I would want to meet a hardcore feminist which is actually a transwoman. Who choosed to be feminist woman who represents the freedom of women to be what they want to and fights for that
Other stuff isn't valued as much, so it takes a particular kind of personality to decide to value something other than visual appearance (if you're female,) and also to be driven by something that may not be positively reinforced by others. Not to mention the disgust and criticism you'll get from people which is relative to how far against standards you go, and which is easily internalised by people.
I don't even think aesthetics are always about beauty. I think they're often about social signalling, personal expression and tribalism. A lot of styles of dress, makeup, and hairstyles attract people with certain values/lifestyles/personality traits. Contrapoints is either unaware of these distinctions, or doesn't really address them because of her own personal drive (presumably the latter.) In fact in her video she pretty much concludes that the only group who doesn't feel the same way as she does about beauty is maybe lesbians lol.... (and that straight men and women, all transpeople + gay men agree.)
Of course lesbian women tend to have their own ideals which are separate and overlapping with mainstream culture. (eg: athleticism, slimness, smaller breasts. + the mainstream stereotypes.) So it's also incorrect to say they don't care at all. On an anecdotal level I can even think of a lesbian woman who probably feels exactly the same as she does about femininity like this sense of pure idealisation (I've never met a straight woman who does though, and I think it's probably because what you're attracted to has some impact on ideals for many people.) Though studies show that androgynous and masculine women both care less about physical appearance but then so do most straight men (the self identified incels she references aside.) In the end though, I think increasing insecurity is inevitable because it creates profit. Look at men in South Korea for example who put a lot more effort into their appearance.
I do believe that many transwomen (not all,) are more internally motivated than ciswomen to pursue some archetype of femininity and beauty and value it over stuff that men tend to be valued for 'rational thought' etc. There are a bunch who find the idea of being associated with anything remotely masculine disturbing. (ime at the moment, people who idealise certain feminine traits less seem far less likely to ID as transwomen, or they'll consider themselves non-binary + a transwoman or something like that.)
A lot of ciswomen on the other hand are less likely to enjoy what they're doing and find various expectations of femininity jarring but continue anyway to compete with others to get what they want. Sometimes doing things on autopilot. Because unless you have a very conforming personality, if something is expected of you and you're punished for not going along with it, it's not going to appeal as much regardless. Because it feels like coercion. This also explains why you have contrarian styles of presentation that are often very feminine, but alternative.
In addition to that younger women have been brought up more progressively, so they tend to identify less with stereotypical depictions of femininity now but then this is probably true of younger transpeople as well because they had different role models. Also reminds me of Chris Hemsworth (plays Thor,) talking about how all his kids (2 boys, 1 girl,) wanted to dress up as Wonder Woman for Halloween.
Contrapoints isn't that old I think she's a couple of years older than me, but I think people in their early 20s and younger are a lot more variable but the key point isn't what role models people in general are encouraged to have but the ones transpeople are. Transpeople have double standards where they're expected to be very conforming in order to be 'valid' a discussion about this has sort of come up only in the past five or so years, and Contrapoints is a bit too old to really be involved with that (in fact she mentioned in tweets before how different the attitudes of people just a few years younger than her seemed to be online.)
But yeah so in the case of the video I posted before she seems internally motivated to pursue femininity and beauty but simultaneously doesn't enjoy it. I find it difficult to tease apart where the social influence is coming from there if at all. When your internalised ideal goes completely against what society is saying you should want, it's pretty easy to conclude it's what you
want to be doing at least initially, but at a certain point it can become confused (in the same way it's confused for cispeople.) I don't think she really can can project all of her feelings onto cishetwomen though without discussing the cultural differences, I also don't think lesbian women necessarily can either though because there are again relevant differences in body image/aesthetic and lifestyle ideals on a group level. (I mean she kind of acknowledges that for lesbians in the video albeit poorly but seems to be speaking for other groups lol.)
Here's a good example:
And then damn on top of that, you have to consider variations on a national level. Europeans don't have the same beauty ideals as Americans and it varies per European country too and they're not all equally as obsessed. Like I was looking through her videos (link below) because she's lived in multiple countries, used to watch her content years ago and I remember at one point after she moved to the UK from Japan she mentioned that people seemed less concerned with appearance in the UK compared to other places she'd lived (and this is a stereotype I've come across repeatedly. I think it might be partly the **** weather.) Can't find her talking about that now, but found this video:
Anyway there are transwomen who are feminists. Lots who consider themselves feminists. I don't really care to consider the label since in practice people use it to mean almost anything and I don't really care about the label. I'd rather just listen to what people are saying and then decide if I agree or not.