I am a jealous sinful man. I try to fight it. I have tried to fight it. But it is there. I pray to God to help me change into a better man ....but I don't feel the change.
I am jealous of people who are able to socialize easier than I.
I am jealous of the men who understand intuitively how to keep their woman interested and don't go through the kind of nonsense I am going through now (treating your woman right, only for her to get bored and leave you)
I am jealous of people who took easier, shorter career paths than I, are making more money and married while I have only just graduated.
I am jealous that others seem to stumble upon huge sums of money and success whilst my family continue to struggle to make ends meet.
I hate my sinful nature. I hate that no matter how hard I pray for increased faith...I remain always skeptical of God's existence and influence in my life.
Faith feels like a joke. My father has followed every dietary advice imaginable , every exercise regimen possible...and still got diagnosed with Diabetes. But hey I guess I should be saying "Thank God he doesn't have cancer, right ?"
My Mom did the same thing, always drinking natural teas and exercising...and she got Parkinson's ...but not the slow kind....the rapidly progressing full blown symptoms in less than one year
I get it. There is always someone that has it worse. But just because there is always someone that has it worse...it doesn't make my personal cross any less painful !!!
And please don't tell me "God doesn't give you more than you can bare" ...if for just once, God would send an angel to sit by my bed at night and reassure me that God is with me...I would feel better.
But I feel nothing when I pray. I feel like I am talking to myself. I know this is a problem, and I directly ask God many times to help me renew my faith too...but
The fact that I am coming to this area of the forum with my problems means I am still open to God. I have not given up on him. I just feel...really low on faith now.
There's a Gospel concert tonight...I don't feel like going. I feel like it will be a waste of time. I never get anything out of Gospel music.